So, it’s been a while since I wrote anything. Life is crazy and my health and fitness journey is paying for it. And the truth is that I let it. Anybody who says “Just do it” does not live in my mind. I can come up with a million excuses as to why I didn’t stick with the exercise routine or the eating plan; but what it comes down to is I chose not to work at it. I let work and my mind get in my way. I wish I could say that I’m going to do better, and I might. But honestly until I get the mess in my head straightened out, my health & fitness is taking the back seat.

I just had someone tell me that I have a tendency to play the martyr and victim. I’m all “look at all this work I have to do” and “feel sorry for me, I’ve lost a lot in the past couple of years”. You know, they’re right. Growing up, I was always told that I wouldn’t amount to anything, that I’m a nobody. And, deep down, I still believe it. I feel like I have to be the hardest worker and if that means not making it to a workout because I need to get things done in the office, then that’s what I’m going to do. Or I’m grieving and sad, and that makes me want to stay home and not do any grocery shopping or meal prepping.

I feel a health and fitness journey truly is a mind game and right now, I’m losing. I think writing this down is making me realize how much I sabotage myself. So how do you get out of your own head? I really don’t know. I’ll have to take it one day at a time. Go to therapy. Keep writing. I’ll be my best friend one of these days. Because your best friends don’t talk to you like I talk to myself.

Ending quote: “Don’t wait until you’ve reached your goal to be proud of yourself. Be proud of every step you take toward reaching that goal.”